My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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