You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
