i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Houston, we have a blender
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
