Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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