Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
