totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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