Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The air was thick with penises
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
