He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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