pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
