if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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