I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
