who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
