You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
