We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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