What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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