i don't like sucking hair
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
