When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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