I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
