I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
