Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Randomize
