Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
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