Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
