So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
