her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
