he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
