haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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