I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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