he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
