why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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