even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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