I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
