Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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