Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
