Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
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He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
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I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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