He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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