Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
