that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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