She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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