Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Four minutes until I can fart!
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Please don't give away my fajitas
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
