ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
