Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
