if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
we're making bets on your personal life
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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