Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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