we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
