His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
