she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
