Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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