I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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