When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize