I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
