sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
