There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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