So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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