i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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