I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
