Three words: puerto rican gang bang
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
