I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
