My liver just broke up with me...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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