saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
