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Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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