did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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