And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
