he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
