btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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