I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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