wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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