Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm too high and old for this...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
