Define "chronic" masturbator.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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