my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
