can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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