If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
