D3 body, D1 cock
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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