So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
